Plus ca change – plus ca reste meme

I’ve been thinking. Dangerous, I know and likely to cause small brush fires, but there you have it! I also apologise to those who know what the correct French wording for the title should be: J’ apologise. It just seemed more succinct.

There are many using SL today who use it as a means of supplementing/replacing their RL social interactions. The usual reasons are illness or sociopathic tendencies. I suspect I started my SL as one of the latter – my gender orientation issues were coming to an ugly head (see early posts on this blog if you need to know more), but now I am using SL because my RL physiology is failing and I interact more adequately in SL! That life has undergone a fairly major change now – for the better for myself and my partner I truly hope!

On a mission for my SL employer, I have lately spent hours in the SL blogs and fora, learning as much as a I could about SL’s upcoming changes re Adult content. I also looked at the hot debate about the new viewers. I am coming to the belated conclusion that my idle blunderings in SL are but a tiny ripple upon the surface of this MMU.

My SL partner and I will live our second lives as we choose to – I hope that LL will not interfere significantly and possibly, just possibly, SL may get even better for us.

There are wiser and more able folk out there asking all the questions that I require answers for, and they phrase them better than I could, so I will content myself for now to watch, learn and inwardly digest the debate – and hope that I don’t throw up.

This is important, people – don’t screw up.

So it Goes….on and on

Well! I haven’t had time to blog , because I’ve been busy in SL fora, trying to find out just how badly I’ll be affected by LL’s changes.

The more I read, the more I’m convinced that LL’s actions are driven not by any wish to court the Education/Commerce faction, though I’m sure they want to increase their prescence in both those fields. No, it’s a knee-jerk reaction to this upcoming or possible Congressional Enquiry. Time and time again it is seen that LL just cannot be honest with its customers, the residents of Second Life. I do not know why. It is very bad for business when you hide your motivations behind smoke and mirrors, even from some of your own employees!

I now spend a significant time every day trawling through the Blog and the fora (official and unofficial) to find out the latest scuttlebutt. My SL employer needs to be kept informed, and has not the time to sift through the acres of text. Several residents, Argent Stonecutter, Couldbe Yue, DanielRavennest Noe and Innula Zenkova have all posed reasonable questions to LL. None, to my knowledge have received anything like a satifactory reply. We appear to be talking in a vacuum, and I’m beginning to think that LL, seemingly unconcerned that these people are probably at least as net-savvy and skilled as themselves, intends that this is the case. We are being given a place (or now, places) to vent our ire without LL being at all interested in our views.

This is sad, because if LL was straight with us, we would co-operate fully to make SL a safer, saner place for all potential users. No-one in their right mind wishes to have individuals harmed by the experience of SL, be they minors or vulnerable adults, but there are many to whom the Internet and its media form the last bastion of true freedom, apart from the insides of our own heads.

I am left shaking my head in sadness, because although I do not know what the answer is, I do know that LL’s current actions are wrong-headed, arrogant and ultimately suicidal. LL will flush their baby out with the bathwater, and I can hear the gurgling already.

The Way Forward?

I write this post in the thrall of the worst bout of depression I have suffered since I joined SL. I do this intentionally as a form of therapy, in the hope that seeing my words on my screen might kick me out of this hole I’m presently in.

Recently SL has undergone, or begun to undergo some changes which I find intolerable. My Second Lifestyle, which as anyone who has read this blog before will know is very important to me, has allowed me to realise some crucial changes to my persona and allowed me a measure of peace with what I am forced to be in RL. Now, it appears that SL is to be fumigated and sanitised and to be effectively purged of all such as myself in a headlong rush by Linden Laboratories (the pioneers of this graphic interface) to turn SL into a Business and Education tool.

Many perfectly reasonable, intelligent and sane people are being forced either into ghettoes, or out of SL altogether. Still more are becoming dormant or apathetic even if they remain in SL.

It appears that unless we live life in a way that will not offend anyone, dress accordingly and behave chastely, not to mention attending Church, Synagogue or Mosque on our Sabbath, we will be considered pariahs and banished to some high-fenced corral, where, presumably we will continue our “Sordid” lifestyles until the thought-police get us.

I enjoyed a brief flowering of my self-awareness, it was SL but at least it was MY SL. Now, it appears that is at an end. I am mortified.

Addendum 13th May 2009: Yesterday there were two further occurrences which confirmed that Freedom of Life in SL is being curbed. Firstly, Darien Caldwell finally threw her hands up in horror and quit her business, turning everything she had rights to into public domain, full permission…even if Dari returns to SL now, Dari’s Haus is no more. Dari’s Haus was the mainstay of my early months in SL. Secondly, the Women of Athenos became homeless. They had only just moved, but their new landlord, the land owner sold up, citing the new “Adult” content legislation as the cause. Again, a Lifestyle not all approve of, but I know these women – they are good souls on the whole. I cannot but reiterate – this is madness!

To Blog or Not to Blog??

That is indeed the question!

Well, I have no intention of not continuing to blog.  This is simply my account of SL as I see it…from the inside as a resident.

Recently I had the temerity to post in a forum thread that I thought that our profile pictures (pic-tures, OK?) were being interfered with by SL.  Another resident implied that I was paranoid.  Of course I am!  Just because I am paranoid does not mean that they are not out to get me!

Irrespective of that flippancy, I do fervently believe that LL are doing their best to turn SL into a business tool and that that is the principal reason for the sanitisation of the Grid.  I have seen nothing to disabuse me of that notion.

Those of us that use SL as a means to associate and communicate with others at a social level will be pushed out or to one side as the corporate steamroller moves in.

What worries me is that LL will “throw the baby out with the bathwater” if they persist in attempting to make SL a business tool.  There are many reasons why most businesses would not dream of taking SL seriously, and security of information communicated via SL is, perhaps, the most important.

Wake up LL!  Business will not use SL in anything like its present form, and you need your socialsers for a lot longer yet.  I am annoyed that the opinions of so many residents (look at the number of posts on the thread concerning “Adult Content”) are being so blatantly ignored.

So – Are we surprised?

No resident of SL could have failed to hear of the uproar in the Adult part of SL recently.  No one who could see chat or read text anyway.

The “Adult Content” issue has been excercising minds for some weeks now from LL’s original statement regarding the creation of Adult areas and the subsequent segregation (a familiar word to North Americans, I believe) and exiling of all activity and representation of Adult behaviour to those ghettos.

I am relieved that I live on a private island, where such hindrances are currently not enforced.  I cannot help but wonder how long that willl remain the case.

As I understand it, my access to parts of the mainland is now limited.  Because I choose to wear locked shackles and a collar.  It is a sign of my dedication to another resident.

I recently gave a talk to a number of like-minded individuals at the Deitide Sunday Munch, and a transcipt of my crib-sheet appears on Domina Inara Pey’s blog (”Pey’s World”).

Now it appears that the content and aim of my address will be segregated from the rest of SL.  Maybe I failed to comprehend, but I understood that there was such a thing as freedom of speech, thought and deed on the net?

It seems I am naive.  I know that I am disappointed.  I did think that the Lindens would listen – how foolish of me!  I thought that maybe Darien Caldwell was excessively cynical – I’m sorry Dari – you are correct, I am wrong.  Last UK evening Aprille Shepherd sent out a group notice to those of us residents who can be bothered to post on a forum blog thread.  There are over 4 thousand posts on that thread so far.  Nevertheless LL have not listened to a single word of ours.  No, I correct myself – they have listened and have chosen to ignore us.

I’m not going to repeat myself from a couple of posts ago.  This is a black day for anyone in SL with a whit of inventiveness.  Today it is Adult-Oriented creation – what area will LL consider risky next?  Segregation and censorship starts LL off on a very slippery slope.  At the bottom there is a sanitised feeble SL that I for one want no part of.

Oh, by the way, I wish everyone a Happy St George’s Day.

It’s my First Rezday

Simply put, I’ve been in SL for one year. This anniversary comes to many people, I think, with little, or no celebration. Many people only pop into SL when they’re bored, or at a loose end. That is their choice, and no concern of mine.

It does seem to me odd, though. Since the world of SL opened to me back in April last year, via the OnRez viewer and after some promotion on the Lorelei website, I have been immersed, and have met many remarkable people. None more remarkable than my partner and Dominant, Domina Rachael Ezvalt.

To think that my SL would take the form that it has in those early days would have been impossible, and I played with my avatar for a while, not really knowing why I was doing it. My RL partner was becoming a stranger to me and it was clear that I was finally coming to terms with my own strange past (dealt wiith elsewhere on this blog). My partner was changed by hormones used to treat a nasty and life-threatening condition, and would never be the same person again. I had been similarly changed even more crudely, years before due to being born “ambiguous”, i.e, due to chromosome damage, neither “one thing nor t’other”.

SL has, over the last 10 months or so, first enlightened and then empowered me to see myself in a different way. The Ayesha that stumbled into SL last April is long-gone.

Ayesha , as she was in April 2008

Ayesha on her First Rezday – April 2009

Thanks to the loving control of my Dominant since last August 15th, I am more fully formed than I would have dreamed possible. I have made many and lost a few friends on my journey so far, but my SL continues and, I fervently hope, will continue for years to come, so long as SL survives.

To my lover, my confidante and my partner, Domina, I give thanks: Without you none of this would have happened, and my SL would have had no meaning.

I use the terms “lover” and “partner” – yes – SL lover and SL partner – but no-one has had more influence in my whole life, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

A Personal Attack – now this time I do have something to say!

I am writing this post in response to the apalling threat to my lifestyle intended by Linden Laboratories.

That is not an overreaction.  Group notices sent out last night (UK time) by Dari Caldwell and Aprille Shepherd alerted me to a move that I could scarcely believe.  Linden Laboratories intend to put restrictions on where I can go.  I wear a collar…many redidents do, it carries animations that make my second life far more pleasant and personal, but in my case it carries my Dominant and partner’s name – I am hers willingly – and it is locked.  I also wear locked shackles permanently.  Now it appears that there will be even more places that I will not be allowed to go in SL.  That is discrimination.  I would have thought that a country that has just elected its first black President would have put such idiocy behind it.

Behind the pretence at shielding some corporate residents from exposure to “adult” content and behaviour is a move to sanitize SL.  I will not tolerate this.  I find the smug attitude of the Lindens difficult to take on most aspects of SL, but this – no, this is too much.  Our lifestyle harms no one - not even me!  To feel shunned and a pariah in RL has been bad enough, now this in my virtual life? 

We already have Mature classification, has PC insanity come to SL so that even that is not enough?  I know there are morons that open an account and walk round SL asking “D’you wanna fuck?” or with idiotic statements in their paltry profiles – these folk can be taken aside and shown the error of their ways by LL.  Why should I be penalised because of their stupidity?

I noticed many angry postings on the SL fora last night – I can only hope that the strength of feeling expressed there will change the minds of those who operate SL, though from past experience this seems unlikely.

My Second Life is vitally important to me, it is where I met the love of my life – my Whole Life, mark you.  If Linden Laboratories take away my Second Life, well…they will do just that…take away my life.

I must stop this post now, I am getting angry and I will lose my objectivity.  I have never felt so strongly about a suject.

Collective Thoughts

This post may well be mirorred elsewhere, in that it refers to an event that I attended with many others.  Yesterday was organised the first of a series of events at the Deitide Playground on Deitide Island, a “munch” held to generally “chew the fat” on BDSM and D/s.  It was scheduled at 4pm GMT to place it at a time that would allow most regions of the globe to be awake and attend.

We had failed to appreciate that the US daylight-saving time kicks in before the British one, and of course, SL runs to Pacific Time, since Linden Laboratories is in the Western USA.  As a result our conversion to SLT was in error and our US guests arrived an hour earlier than we expected!  Oops!

Thankfully no-one very much was seriously inconvenienced by the error and a good meeting ensued.  We had several key members of the Subbie Union present including the President Lex Berchot, who is also on the Deitide/Bondage Ranch Admin, and Mistress Vannesh Cannoli, whose psychology and sociology teaching has brought her into SL.  Several well – known UK residents attended, including Mistress Inara Pey, bringing her sharp wit and humour to the occasion.

The event was organised by my Domina , who brings a vast breadth of D/s experience to such occasions, and we were pleased also to welcome the owners of Deitide, Mr Chorazin Allen and Ms Ally Boyle, without whose tireless work in SL none of this would have been possible.

Much was talked about, largely to do with RL experience of BDSM and D/s.  We hope to promote the fact that BDSM and especially D/s life is a funtion of the human condition, and as such, is centred around love and understanding, and is not a heartless, cruel perversion.

As with all things SL, you take and give what you wish,  but I encourage folk to come to future munches, almost certain to be held on Sundays, at the Deitide Playground, and either learn more about our way of love, or add your own “two penn’orth”  to the debate.

Time Passes – The Nature of Submission

Now this is a difficult topic to blog about rationally. I have been sub to Domina Rachael Ezvalt for over six months RL now. We are partnered and we love each other. Mark that – we love each other! Not – I love my Domina – I am no pain or humiliation slut. I submit to Domina because I know it pleases her. That is not “Topping from the Bottom” because I do not demand submission or love from her.

I do it because it satisfies a deep need in us both. As far as that goes it suits us very well. Some folk use SL as a game, to me it is no game!

I love my Domina as surely as if I had her with me in RL, and I believe that she loves me in the same way. She tells me so, and as I have never trusted anyone before in my RL or SL, I trust and believe her.

SL has seemed an inconstant thing to me lately…people have come and gone from our SL at a bewildering speed. They presumably did not find in SL the deep satisfaction that I do. Most recently an old SL friend that I had not seen for many weeks reappeared, to my great joy, because she feels many of the things that I do. Sadly her Dominant, whom she loves dearly, will be out of SL for some considerable time – I would find that heartbreaking! I hope we can spend some time together, sharing and building our SL.

My Domina needs a sub and today I am as restricted and restrained as I have ever been, back under RLV at least for today (I hope no longer), since I can, I think, provide her with the submissive obedience she craves. As I said above I do not do this because I crave bondage, though I love it I admit! I do it out of love for my Dominant.

I have said before that I believe that love is important, nay, pivotal in a good, lasting D/s relationship. I remain convinced of it. Domina will push me to my tolerance limit if I know her at all, but not beyond it…I am no use to her broken or resentful.

So there needs to be sensitivity in a D/s relationship – on both sides. If there is that then knowledge of each other and trust will grow and the relationship will become better and closer.

There are other forms of relationship in SL and some work in RL too – I envy those people – I cannot carry my SL existence into RL – I only wish I could! Two SL friends of mine recently met in RL – they enjoyed their meeting and will meet again – this is a result for SL in my opinion. But for me there is still my glorious Domina in SL, and I remain as fiercely loyal to her now as I have ever been.

I merely add this – take SL seriously if you can – it will reward you. There are technical issues with SL, of course there are…but in the end it is the people sitting at their consoles, driving those avatars that matter. SL and D/s is simply an extension of the human psyche, and as such is a vibrant wonderful thing.

All Change! (Again)

This time I have made a firm decision.  The changes you see in my profile, and if you should meet me inworld will apply for a while now!

Domina wanted this change and I was pleased to be able to comply with little fuss.  The result is a somewhat submissive Kitty!  The range of cute gestures and animations is quite astonishing, if one looks carefully, and while the Neko or Steampunk imagery may be a little old-fashioned now, it suits me fine!

What of the Domme?  Well Kitties don’t Domme.  Do they?  They might now!  As with so many things, we will just have to wait and see!  I still live a D/s life and that will NOT change.  Neither will my love for my Domina alter, apart from it becoming even stronger.  I am now Rachael’s Kitty, and I adore her!