So many things are fast-tracked in one’s SL that it can be hard to keep track.  I admire those folk who appear to be fully cognizant of all past events and all potential changes.  These people are the Mystics, Masters and Mistresses of the rest of us rabble.

I lose track so often that I’m mostly in confusion.  Lately I’ve stopped worrying, and surrendered much of myself to my beautiful Mistress.  I have a will, but it is secondary to my purpose, which is to please Mistress.

If I ask a boon, She considers not only whether it would please Her, but whether I will benefit from it.  That is philanthropic and a bit exceptional.   I am very lucky to have met Ripple Aeon. Recently I tried the “blindfold navigation” trick again, but Mistress denied my maps and I was hopeless!  I fell off the  edge of the BP!  I tp’d back to the start but I was confused and got nowhere.  I have alot to learn yet.

More recently, we looked at a house for us slaves and Mistress.  To live with them is a dream come true!  I hope we will do it. 

Also another person joined Mistress’ tally of slaves.  An old frend of Hers is pretty messed up after a failed partnership in SL and wished to revisit her slave past – sounds almost like me, running and hiding.  I have very mixed feelings about this, she is a lovely person, but she is no slave, I wonder if it is true that there is no going back?  How does Silvie cope?  It would drive me insane if I’d been powerful and lost it all.  I haven’t been and never will be, so I can’t tell. 

It is true (see footnote 1) that the life of a slave/sub is far easier than that of a Master/Mistress or Dom/me.  I cannot be other than that which I am, I am submissive to my core, I want no other life in SL or RL.  I pray that I can stay basking in Mistress’ radiance (see footnote 2) as long as She shines on me.  In Her company I feel safer and more comfortable than at any other time in my SL.  She keeps me bound permanently and I am frequently gagged when She is at RL work or asleep,  I no longer mind, in fact I don’t want Her to ever untie me.  That is the extent of my submission!  This would be unthinkable to some of my friends.  I’m sorry, but Ripple’s will is parmount to me now.  We cuddled on a bed after She came back from RL work this morning.  I’m still warm and fuzzy from that!  In fact I logged out there, wanting to savour the time as long as possible.  It’s that bad (or from my viewpoint good), really!

Footnote 1:  Slaves and Subs need to be inventive to entertain their Master/Mistress and Dom/mes.  They cannot expect a stream of fulfilling games to be offered indefinitely.

Footnote 2:  Yes, this is selfish!  I must work to make myself worthy of Her love.  I must strive to be useful, entertaining, and hence desirable.  The court Jester earned his privileges!  His position was the result often of a lifetime’s hard work!  The courtesan must take care of her appearance and her demeanour at all times.

~ by Ayesha Askham-Ezvalt on August 8, 2008.

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