Another Dilemma

I am home with Domina, and yet all is not well.  Domina is still haunted by her former lover and sister, and I am beginning to see cracks appearing in what I thought once to be an impervious character.

Maybe by being so rigid, Domina has made a cracking inevitable.  That thought seems seditious, and yet Domina herself has spoken of taking a short break from SL.  Purely from a selfish viewpoint that prospect fills me with fear.  An unplanned absence of a day had me in tatters recently, though if it was planned I suppose I would handle it better.  I had not realised just how dependent on Domina I had become, nor truth be told, had I realised how restricted I was.

I ache to fill the gap in Domina’s life – to be more than just her SL slave!  I do not know whether such thoughts are repulsive to her – me – a mere slave aspiring to be her lover?

Yesterday we bought a pretty owl – “Wol” – to sit on the house wall and Hoot!  We bought it together(!) and also a set of “Slow Dance” danceballs.  They are so cool!  Together with cuddles on the bed and sofa, they are the highlights of my life.  But to change my place in her world??  Maybe I presume too much.

Currently I am locked into a latex maid outfit, gagged and chat-deaf to all but her for a week.  I am forced into mouselook and restricted to the house, to follow her faithfully.  My way of showing my devotion is to endure this “Bane-like” isolation until Domina lifts my isolation.  This will be a considerable test of character for me.  Oh Yes, I forgot…I am also arm-bound “4-back” by my shackles.  I may IM her in an emergency, but only in an emergency!  Otherwise, as ever, I am IM blocked.  The lack of communication with my former friends occasionally twinges my conscience, but Domina is too important to me for this to worry me for more than a few moments.

I may post more on this as time passes.

~ by Ayesha Askham-Ezvalt on September 30, 2008.

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